Last year at this time I wrote a short entry summarizing my 2012:
I can honestly say that I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the beginning of 2012....attending the Rose Bowl, making new friends, quitting my job, getting my heart broken for the first time, losing my Aunt Mary Jane, having the adventure of a lifetime....none of these things were expected. And although 2012 was a difficult year for me emotionally, God has still been faithful. Looking back on the past 12 months, I would say that God has pushed, pulled, poked, and prodded me along this difficult path in hopes that I would finally trust Him. Obviously, I am a stubborn person! Somehow everything I had hoped and planned for in 2012 got twisted around and ended up being completely different than anticipated. But in spite of it all, I was still blessed this year with visiting many amazing family and friends, having an abundance of new adventures, and taking a step closer to my German language goal.
I had planned on being in a completely different place in life at the start of 2013, but yet here I am. On January 1, 2012, I was so excited about the new year and all the plans I had made. But today, on January 1, 2013, I am actually scared of what is in store for me this year. Will I find a job? Will I make it into a school? Will I get my heart broken again? Will I lose someone else close to me? I really don't want a repeat of 2012. Now that the year is over, I want to leave it in the past.
I can practically say the same exact thing for 2013 by just replacing a few words:
I can honestly say that I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the beginning of 2013....moving to Germany, working on a NATO Airbase, entering the military community, making new friends, not only getting my heart broken but completely shattered, losing my Grandpa Floyd, having some incredible adventures....none of these things were expected. And although 2013 was a difficult year for me emotionally, God has still been faithful. Looking back on the past 12 months, I would say that God has pushed, pulled, poked, and prodded me along this difficult path in hopes that I would finally trust Him. Obviously, I am a stubborn person! Somehow everything I had hoped and planned for in 2013 got twisted around and ended up being completely different than anticipated.
Will I find a job?
I did end up finding a job, and a great one at that. I absolutely love working for Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University and I enjoy assisting the students, all of whom are active military stationed either on my base in Geilenkirchen or on one of the other bases nearby. Everyday I thank the Lord for providing such a great work environment doing something I enjoy and feel good doing. I may be living from paycheck to paycheck, but at least I am able to pay my bills and have some adventures in Europe!
Will I make it into a school?
No, I did not make it into a grad school in Germany. And I am actually thankful for that. My dreams have changed this past year and my priorities in life have changed too. Do I know what I want to be when I grow up? Not really. But I am getting closer to figuring it out. God called me to sing at a young age, that is obvious. But I am open to whatever capacity that is, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a high-paying singing career. I sing because I love singing. As I have been so focused on getting into an opera master's program in Germany, I lost my love of singing along the way. It became a chore and I did not enjoy it. Now that my focus has shifted, I know God will show me His way for my life.
Will I get my heart broken again?
Yes. And worse than I could ever imagine. When I got my heart broken in 2012, it was by someone I had only seen a couple of times and never really invested in. I was more disappointed with losing the possibility of a relationship than losing the actual person.
This year was a completely different story. I fell head-over-heels for someone I truly loved and respected, someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with. It didn't work out the way I had hoped. But God has been faithful through it all. He has been my Rock, my Strength in time of storm. He has taught me so much through this painful experience and He has never left my side. He has brought great friendships and surrounded me with an incredible support system to encourage me and help me move on with my life.
Will I lose someone else close to me?
Yes. My Grandpa Floyd went home to be with the Lord on Nov. 12th of 2013. He made it to one last Veterans Day. He was a helmsman on the U.S.S. Hornet in the Pacific during WWII and he was my grandpa by choice, not by blood. I have so many fond memories of him. Even before I was old enough to date, he would always ask me, "Hey good-lookin'! You got yourself a boyfriend yet?" His wife, my Grandma Billie, truly blessed me this Christmas by giving me Floyd's set of golf clubs. I will use them and think of Floyd every time I go to the course. He will be greatly missed, but he is in a better place. Click here for my blog entry from the last time I visited the U.S.S. Hornet with Floyd on July 4, 2011.
So why did I even ask those questions last year? It's almost like I had it coming to me or something! Well, I'm not asking any questions this year. I don't want a repeat of 2013. I have no idea what is in store for me in 2014, but I know the Lord is in control and He has great plans. No matter what comes my way, I can trust Him. This world is just temporary, so I want to live my life in preparation for my eternal home someday. The start of a new year is always a good time to consider what is really important in life. It's an opportunity to refocus, reorganize, and renew our commitment to God and each other.
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| Greetings from NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen, Germany! |
Hebrews 12:1-3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
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God is never going to leave us wth unanswered questions. He will stretch us, bend us, mold us and even break our stubborn will at times. Leassons learned are always going to make us better people. God moves in mysterous ways. We have heard that all our lives, but the truth is that Gods ways are not our ways and what seems mysterious to us is simply not a mystery to God. He has it all under control. Letting go and letting God work is something that takes time. We have to go through some "stuff" to learn those tough lessons. God wants you and it is really just that simple. Your complete surrend to His will. When that is done then you can relax and say, "God's got this" That is a place where you will find the greatest peace. God's got this! So relax and enjoy the ride!
Love you and miss you, Val!
Pam, you are so right. God is in control and I trust He will use the things I don't understand to reveal His awesome plan. I can take a deep breath and rest in Him.
Julie, I miss you too!
You've got it right, Valerie, and I can already see how you've grown through all you have had to deal with this past year. You are becoming the woman of God that you were designed to be. And you are LOVED by so many of us!!
Janice, I am a different woman than I was a year ago. I hope God is shaping me for the better. Most of all, I am trying to stay open to whatever He has for me. I do not want to close myself off and harden my heart. It is a constant struggle to not be on guard and cynical. The only way I have been able to keep going is by the strength of the Holy Spirit.
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