Figuring It Out

It's been almost a week since I arrived in Germany, and I still have no idea how things are going to work out for me here.  I've already applied for one graduate school, and I have a couple more applications to fill out by the end of the month.  I have not yet seen the voice teacher I want to study privately with, because my sole focus right now is on finding a job.  Today I applied for 7 jobs on various US Army bases here in Germany, which brings my total application count up to 34 since Christmas.  Out of those 34 applications, I had one interview which they did not choose me, and 4 replies of, "You were not referred for this position because you were outside of the area of consideration."  Whatever that means!  Which means there are still 29 of my applications out there somewhere floating around.

I'm also frantically looking for an apartment to sublet for a couple months.  There was a gal I met last fall who is going abroad for 2 months and wanted to rent out her room to me for that time, but apparently her roommate decided to pay the extra money in order to have the apartment to herself.  So I was really excited about that possibility....and then I was disappointed.

I still hold fast to the belief that God has me here for a reason and He will pave the way for me.  I know He likes to do things at the last minute in order to show me just how awesome and powerful He really is.  I keep telling Him that I already know that He's awesome and powerful, so He can go ahead and provide for me now, because right now IS the last minute!  I wouldn't say I'm really worried right now...but I'm starting to get worried.  And I'm confused, because it seems to me like God's path for me should be clearer when I'm not worried.  So, am I supposed to start worrying and then God will provide?

And here's another humdinger...for the past few months, I have been really diligent in my practice of prayer (maybe that's why I have peace?).  Today I read in Matthew 7:11 that if you "know how to give good gift to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him."  I have been "asking" and "seeking" and "knocking"....and God is not opening doors for me.  But then I looked back at Matthew 6:7-8 where it says, "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Which got me all confused...so does God want me to keep asking Him to provide a job and a place to live and a school to attend here in Germany?  Or does He just see me as a babbling buffoon?

I guess I just have to conclude that God's ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts.  He has no limits or boundaries and time does not exist for Him.  As hard as I might try, I will never understand why He chooses to do things or not do things.  I will never understand why He placed particular desires deep down in my heart.  I will never understand why He can't just speak to me in the voice of the thunder.  So, what else can I do but keep trusting Him and persistently knocking on His door?  Who knows, maybe I keep asking for a loaf of bread and He wants to give me the fattened calf.

If you think of me over the next few days, I would greatly appreciate your prayers especially for a job suited to my skills that I can live off of, an apartment to live in, and a spot at one of the graduate schools I'm applying to.  Also, I have a date this weekend, so I would appreciate prayer in that area as well!  I really am excited to see what God is going to do over the next few days, I just hope He plans on doing something quickly!